It wasnt meant to be...

2012

2012-01-01T17:41:00.003+08:00

2012

what does it have installed for us?

i just hope it is a mixture of good, bad, bland, and everything else, so that my life would be eventful and enjoyable.

it's too naive to think that it will comprise of flowers, spice and everything nice, cause life isnt fair, was never fair, and will never be fair.

so lets toast to a happy 2012!

:)

the wait

2011-07-05T00:24:00.001+08:00

why must i wait 8 years before i get to try to do what i want.

life is just plain unfair,
and i dont need someone to tell me that cause i know it.

jealousy

2011-07-01T00:29:00.002+08:00

im feeling off lately
nonchalent, emo, and just cant be bothered abt everything
i know i need to move on from my setback
but im just so stuck right now

gotta force myself to move on
somehow
life's not that bad
but its not looking too rosy

im jealous of ppl who have it all too
like seriously have it all
smart, athletic, happily attached, happy family
i forgot to mention smart, and goodlooking too
ok, maybe some bad stuff i dont know of
cause ppl like to believe that god is fair
maybe, maybe not
im just jealous
havent felt like that in a long time
i think im having some hormonal surge, lol
moving on...

2011-06-12T00:11:00.001+08:00

i'll be fine, i'll be fine

It hurts

2011-05-29T01:30:00.000+08:00

It hurts, so bad..

2011-05-20T19:21:00.003+08:00

why is it that my all isnt enough, that baring my heart and laying it out isnt enough, that being honest just falls short of their standard. i've given it my all, my 100% and even more, yet i didnt make the cut. is it just me, or is it just me?

welcome to the club emo nemo

You win some, you lose some

2011-05-05T09:41:00.002+08:00

Whatever's meant to be will work out perfectly...
Keep Holding On by Avril Lavigne

Life can be cruel, giving you stuff for a moment and taking it all back the next. When you have it, you think that the grass is greener on the other side, but once you give it up, you regret ever so slightly. Whatever the case, contentment isnt something that comes easy, at least not at 21, at least not for me.

I've come a long way, i really have. I have been brought up to be independent, to not rely on anyone, to not be weak. Whining and complaining is one thing, succumbing to it all is another. Maybe that's why I am such an emoboy - emojon, with a black blog and depressing disposition. Not a bad thing, but definitely not a good one.

Thing might not go my way all the time, acceptance into London School of Economics for Accounting and Finance, waitlist for Michigan, and waiting for results for overseas and my dream course. Nothing is for certain, nothing ever was. All I can do is wait, for better or for worse.

It will work out perfectly,
shouldnt it?

i REALLY want it

2011-03-23T00:00:00.002+08:00

work is quite ok i guess, sometimes being a personal assistant, sometimes doing serious stuff, ahh, really cant be bothered with all the politics happening ard me. just kinda make me regret signing the deed. it should be fine, if plan A works out well. if not there's a plan B and plan C, seriously dont want plan B and C, i'll be super happy and contented with A. we'll see how things go.

i want it, and i want it bad. i cant believe that i need to go through all these soul searching to finally realise what i want to do in life. at least i've found it, whether i get it is another issue. i hope and i hope and i hope.

i dont wanna be an emoboy no more, so please give it to me. im desperate, yes, haha.

HI HUIRU

2011-03-06T21:21:00.002+08:00

ok, im back, HI HUIRU! lol

dont know how to put it, but im not exactly happy with my internship. well, i think its just me and the whole concept of 'the grass is always greener on the other side' but i guess i'll just have to power through. the internship also confirmed what i really wanna study and i really hope it goes through. i think my life is a mess right now so yea, hopefully it gets better too.

there are other side issue here and there, but i think i'll just have to be selfish and think about my own wellbeing once in a while. for now, i think i've reverted to emojon, lets see how things turn out over the next few months, hopefully everything fans out fine, though i seriously doubt it will.

follow my heart. easier said than done. damn my life sucks.

cny

2011-02-05T09:36:00.002+08:00

happy cny peepx!
did i mention that work is just bad, maybe its the meeting-new-ppl thing that i dont like, or maybe its just work. monday blues are gonna come true, damn, haha.
have fun in the pressure cooker uni peepx =)

i think im freaking ugly, boo-me!

vietnam

2011-01-06T23:01:00.001+08:00

vietnam tmr! hopefully it's good. will be back on tues =)

christmas

2010-12-26T13:36:00.002+08:00

christmas with o7's always good =) xmas gift exchange was super high quality this year, with my favourite being jiawei's headphones from jason cause it just suit him so well and zhilin's dinosaur music box from cheehuat cause its unique, and a bit creepy, heh. i got a happiness 'self-help' book from hanliang, and it is just so... for me, haha. im happy with it for me to count my blessings and stay cheerful =) unexpectedly, raghu got tennis balls for me as a present and i was so surprised and shocked, seriously. i think i wont ever use the balls. ok, never is an absolute term, so i'll just say for a long time, haha.

i still love o7 like the first day i met them. awesome ppl =))

emo

2010-12-24T12:13:00.001+08:00

emoshit.

merry christmas

sick

2010-12-21T22:12:00.002+08:00

too much exercise and too little sleep over extended periods of time is a bad combination. im now feverish, sorethroat arising and aches setting in. can you imagine muscle aches on top of feverish aches, argh. im drinking truckloads of water now cause i dont wanna eat penadol, dont know why also, haha.

on the brighter side, christmas is coming and i got my gift alr =)

dented tyre, LOL

2010-12-15T23:18:00.003+08:00

today was a tiring but fun day. went cycling in the afternoon with hazel and jingpoh, though i chose to blade instead. the feeling of blading was awesome, though i was unstable sometimes. something interesting happened though, jingpoh crashed head-on into another bike and her wheel literally bended inwards or something. whatever happened to it was just like a miracle, or tragedy, more the latter. so we tried to bend it back, and it did initially but it just couldnt be bent back to a regular even circle, so we just pushed it back slowly. thankfully the shop was just up ahead so dont need to push too much.

watched rapunzel and it was predictable, but it was still good cause the animations were believable and the plot was funny. i was looking forward to the whole chunk of hair landing on the guy but evidently it didnt happen, ohwells. who knew rapunzel was going to end up a brunette though i prefer her a blonde. and and the chemelon and horse are cute beyond words. you guys should watch it if you havent!

going back tmr, though i'd rather not. at least there's roy in the same camp as me =)

ps. the socks i wore for blading are still in my bag, hah

fml

2010-12-14T00:04:00.002+08:00

It's on nights like this that i regret not staying in camp and coming home instead =/

fml

emo

2010-12-13T20:58:00.001+08:00

some retarded uncle step on my ENTIRE foot today in the train and didnt even bother to say sorry. i guess it kills some ppl to say sorry on a monday =(

maybe it's the monday blues, i feel emo today.

2010-12-12T00:49:00.002+08:00

soda green's concert today was awesome. ok, the max pavillion was only three quarter filled and there were some aunties who were super stone and grouchy there. but most were super high and what made it amazing was the sincerity of the whole band and the conversations they had were super funny, especially the lead singer qing feng, kinda like xiao s, yup. enjoyed it thoroughly.

swam today and it was tiring, cant even bring myself to swim 150m without stopping, think im really getting old, lol. but no matter how slow i am, i dont think i will lose to most public swimmers, think that comforts me a little, haha.

something weird happened today. while i was in the train with weihui to max pavillion, two guys came in and faced us, like literally face to face, and that moment kinda just froze for a couple of seconds. i mean, who faces the side whose door will never open (since its the NEL line)? so it was just super awkward but obviously they didnt think so. thank god we got on at hougang and exited at serangoon. the 'frontal assualt'would have been hard to ignore if we were to head down to dhoby ghaut, lol.

im tired, night.

outfield

2010-12-09T22:31:00.003+08:00

just came back from outfield today, totally sucks to be mosquito food. there was once where i whacked my hand and 3 mosquitoes died. talk about triple kill, lol. anyways, it was the last exercise of the year for me and im happy for that. just one more unpacking of container and i can relax all the way to next year =)

i hope im going to vietnam next jan with siewmin, alexandra and her friend, cause i dont know whether the tickets and hotels are booked alr though. ah, ohwells, i'll check with siewmin soon. new country, new experience.

ohya, the mt line oc is trying to make my road to getting my license a freaking hell cause he asked his man not to process my application. i think i'll go down tmr and ask why. pissing me off like a @*?@:$)* i didnt drive 7000km for nothing alright, I WANT MY FREAKING LICENSE! lol

happy to ord to those ppl ord-ing tmr =)

subject test

2010-12-04T15:18:00.002+08:00

kinda just came back frm SAT subject test, it was not good. i went in without even knowing the format of the papers and came out just fried, brain fried. so im just gonna bore you guys with some details, LOL.

i started with math, and well it was fine, other than the fact that i didnt know how to find the determinant of a 3x3 matrix and some other question. i mean, seriously, even h3 didnt expect me to find the determinant of a 3x3 matrix. im quite sure its got something to do with the gc, but arh, no time anyways, haha.

continued with chem, not too bad, considering i hate chem. just that there was this true of false section and my answer to most of the was false. halfway through i seriously thought i was the wrong one. like how i know whether pure water is a good solvent for ionic compounds and if it is a good conductor of electricity. and there were like over 80 questions in 1 hour, boo.

lastly was physics, i didnt study electricity, charges, you know that kinda thing. and it came out like this humongous chunk of it and i was there trying to figure out whether F=BILsin or F=Bqvsin. didnt finish it in the end, just shaded some random shit for the last four questions. im so dead.

its my bad for watching america's next top model last night instead of studying, so no complains, lol. anyways, Ann won and i rooted for her from the start of the reason, so i have a good eye for models, haha.

ohya, i met up with zhilin and raghu for dinner last night, it was hilarious and fun, with zhilin forgetting my birthday, ord date, and raghu emo-ing about some stuff. and im meeting zhilin tmr for teoheng and dinner! woo! lets hope it'll be good =)

gtg do some essays for michigan now :(

updates

2010-12-02T18:16:00.002+08:00

heyhey, a normal post coming your way. wont lie that im having some concerns of my own and probably will for a period of time, but no worries, im still emojon, lol.

alright, first on my list is to let everyone know that im still in army, so stop asking me whether i ''ord lo' or not, its rather depressing to hear about it actually, haha. also, just came back from outfield and i hope that the deployment site is torn down cause i left early due to medical appt. which brings me to the fact that i hate hospitals, dont wanna be there at all, like seriously. checkup was fine, nothing found - as usual. doctors these days are just more or less incompetent, for me anyways. maybe im just suay, argh.

gonna meet up with some of my o7 peepx this sunday, singing teoheng and having dinner, while a quarter of them will be running stan chart (break a leg! HAHA) and the other quarter will be mugging for ntu exams, jiayou! cant wait to start studying! =) hopefully i dont regret it next year, haha.

University of Bath offered me conditional and wants me to take the IELTS exam and score well. obviously A1 for O lvls and B for A lvls wasnt enough for them. i was quite surprised actually but not disappointed. just gives me the feeling the LSE would probably strike me off their list before I can even complete reading their school's name, lol. ohwells, like my bmt buddy said, come what may. as for the US side, I have SAT Subject Test this sat and I havent even revised my physics and chem completely. thus im quite dead. come what may, haha. and i havent finish my essays for University of Michigan, im so dead.

im also gonna go O School with huiyin to continue our passion for dance sometime soon and im swimming quite regularly now, though i always feel that im crawling/drowning in the pool, NOT a good feeling. hope i improve and swim faster. maybe im gonna take up tennis classes too. im playing fine seriously, just that i have a non-existant backhand, my slice is too high, cant really serve, etc. which leaves my formidable forehand. i've made some winners with that ok! so i guess its kinda good right, haha.

going for tuition soon, wish me luck.

Move on

2010-11-20T11:39:00.002+08:00

life's gonna move on for now. well, im finally 60.0kg, and i wanna keep increasing until 65kg, so please keep increasing for now. also i went to read University of Chicago cirriculum and its quite confusing cause i dont know whether there's a degree involved or is it just majors and minors or what, but the breadth of study is pretty attractive. but theres no way im gonna get in with my screwed up SATs. results will be out on 22nd tues, but im not even excited, just nonchalent and see how it goes. if i get decent results i'll apply, otherwise, i think i'll give it a miss. actually, i take that back. i'll apply unless i do so badly i dont even stand a chance, yea.

hope everyone's doing fine and please jiayou for your exams. and if i ask for your results after, i permit anyone to slap me. cause i believe that if you wanna let me know, you'll let me know. there's no need to probe.

Mistakes

2010-11-11T18:57:00.002+08:00

the essay question for my SAT Reasoning was whether people should be more forgiving when it comes to mistakes. i didnt really do very well there and then, but after a few days and some things happening, i realize that the answer is yes.

but how often do people actually forgive mistakes, much less the society. sometimes, some mistakes are made unwillingly, yet it is condemned by people. i dont blame them, im probably in their number, thats why i've always been so hard on myself. when it comes to a point whereby i cant even forgive myself, what makes me think that others will forgive me and accept me?

i've made the same mistake thrice, if i can come through, i'll treasure this chance so much more. if i cant, i dont think i can ever forgive myself. only time will tell. seriously, only time will tell.

WTH

2010-11-08T16:32:00.001+08:00

wth was i thinking when i did that?
ahhhh
please please please. no.

death

2010-09-01T00:25:00.001+08:00

if i were to die tomorrow,

will you come to my funeral?

procrastination

2010-08-28T13:22:00.001+08:00

i hate myself for procrastinating

please start doing what you need to do jonathan lee

LOL

scholarship dinner and dance

2010-08-01T13:50:00.003+08:00

there was a dinner and dance by MPA, and well, i was kinda obliged to go, not that i dont want to of course, haha. it turned out pretty alright i guess, just that i still kinda felt a bit left out because of the gang of them who were quite close, like zhangrui, raywen, darrick, catherine and some other peeps, but ohwells, they worked tgt and stuff so i guess its natural, yup.

well, i had shaojie, alexandra, siewmin and ben, so i was quite fine too i guess. food was alright, loved the dessert though its damn common - yam paste with ginko nuts, haha. the performances was alright and ppl were quite high, but thats about it. drank about three glasses of red wine, and my face went really red, and i decided i really cant hold my liquor well, lol. utter failure, haha.

went home pretty late cause we kinda hung out for a while at timbre, and i drank sprite! haha, dont like alcohol lah, haha.

i think i'll forge stronger friendships when i start interning bah, if i even do intern, lol.

scholars are still humans, they have flaws too. some are nice and sociable, others adopt a different approach. there are segregations amongst them too, split into different leagues and cliques do form. i have a feeling some of them dont really like me, but i'll be contented with whoever's left i guess.

stay happy, cause you deserve to.

Ignorance and Immaturity

2010-07-08T09:27:00.004+08:00

ignorance and immaturity

these are things that we'll never grow out of, and only through experiences would we become a tad bit wiser, a tad bit more matured. but no, we'll never become wise nor matured because there's just too many things to learn and experience. moreover, there are too many aspects to master, like love, relationships, family, people, etc.

i can say im slightly, just a mere bit, more matured in life than most cause of the things i went through, willingly or otherwise. and this puts me in somewhat an awkward position sometimes when i see people making immature comments, thinking that the world is just as simple as their homework left at home. i dont know how to put it to them nicely that it isnt that simple and sometimes i'll just choose to remain mute.

but when it becomes a judgemental comment that you keeping pushing forth when you have completely no idea what it's like to begin with, i'll have to stop you, even if it means putting you down completely in one brief sentence. you probably still think you're right and that im being a bitch, but i really dont see myself being in the wrong at all. maybe you should try to widen your perspective a little and try not to be so petty by letting the whole world know what you're unhappy about. we can trash it out, although thats not the best thing we're good at, but we can try.

we are still friends, and im able to look past this issue and move on, are you?

2010-06-27T12:14:00.003+08:00

you know how people always say we tend to miss out on the little things in life, about how greatful and happier we'll all be if we were to notice those very little things that we almost always fail to see and notice? well, i think i've managed to take a pessimistic view towards it, unintentionally of course.

imagine going out with a bunch of friends, and everyone wore shoes except you, who wore slippers; everyone wearing jeans except you shorts. or how when everyone's standing on the pavement but you on the road. even when somone walks between your group, and you are the only one walking on the other side of the division. i've began to notice such trivial things that probably doesnt mean anything and told told myself that im an outcast, be it now or in the near future. i dont know why im thinking that way but i just am. paranoid, most of you may say. but i think it's just me, emo.

i think im going blind.

Like that lor

2010-06-05T12:28:00.004+08:00

lets see whatsup in my life... tuition and army's the norm so im not gonna talk abt it.

knowing that siewmin and alicia went to south korea for a holiday unknowingly really made me happy, maybe cause they had a good time from their pictures, or that they're doing something that i really wanna do, even if it means going overseas by myself (loner right, haha) GOHSIEWMIN, i need and want to talk to you soon!!!!

benson's back from taiwan, and im sure he had a good time shopping there though the army stuff would be a tad bit mundane, heh. quite certain he din buy anything for me or o7 peepx or anyone for that matter cause its just him, hope to see him soon though. hes just a happy kid.

hanliang and angeline just came back from overseas CIP i think and im sure they had a great time experiencing 'the other side of the world' and learnt lots. wanna hear about their experiences asap, next o7 outing i guess =)

federer lost in the quarter finals to robin soderling, pissing me off and i guess hes just getting old, and i believe winning isnt an infinitely streak, doing your best would suffice. *thats just warped thinking*

of course there are other stuff that i cant tell everyone but some ppl know alr, like yuann and lisa and jeremy, but i dont wanna tell everyone abt it cause i only have a 5-6% success rate, haha.

meeting genson, glenn, 07, yuann, sheila, wenbin, lisa, xiongwei and many more soon. really like to meetup with friends cause seeing them and hanging out with them really makes me happy, like really happy =))

this is how i feel recently, and i love this photo too =)

thinking too much

2010-05-15T11:03:00.001+08:00

i hope im thinking too much and nothing's wrong

bored of life

2010-04-20T22:31:00.004+08:00

recently, im so bored of my monotonous life that im actually sian of doing things so repetitively. i need some life in my life. woah, that sounded deep, even to me. maybe if i were to take up some courses... or if i were to go overseas... or if i were to get out of army... lol. cant wait to ord. but then after ord-ing, whats next right, sigh.

anyways, jinzhi called me at around 9am today, which is 2am in london. yea, you must be thinking is she crazy or crazy. well, just missing o7 i guess, just wanna hear some familiar voices. anyways, the way she describes her life is just the exact opposite of mine, and im actually quite envious of her, being overseas and all. but ohwells, life's such i guess. and did i mention im thinking of going to london at the end of the year to visit her? even if it means spending a bomb and/or going there by myself. i dont really care so much alr, haha.

reverie performance was good, though mine was one of the lousiest and least prepared (2 DAYS. who puts on performance done up in TWO DAYS), at least it was better than the first. lousy choreographer and definitely too stubborn for my liking of a friend. you have officially been downgraded to an acquaintance.

lets hope life picks up soon...

Overseas

2010-03-30T21:22:00.003+08:00

thailand has been nothing short of eventful, other than the endless hours spent in our heat-trapping, poorly vandilated bunk about 10 miles away from the canteen, lol. sounds oxymoronic yea, but seriously, whatever I experienced there was more interesting than in Australia last year :)

lived in the wilderness with a random guy named HanWei. self-absorbed, insensitive and manipulative bitch who thinks that friends are umimportant in his life. Despite the vast difference in personalities, we managed to get along pretty well, haha. From him, you can see the typical rich kid who eats at the canteen almost ALL the time, yet there's another side of him that one can't figure out at first glance. I guess thats what makes him unique in his own way and bearable at the same time. nonetheless - irritating.

worked with several commandos during the exercise period and I cant exactly say that they fit the bill of 'muscles in the brains', probably cause they are from the junior batch and not feeling the bonding and belonging as of yet. talked with weekiat quite a bit and realized that there's one blinding fact that most tend to overlook, and that is that no matter what, they are humans too and not the macho and unintelligent stereotypes that we make them out to be. sad thing is that we went our separate ways after the mandatory cooperation, im guessing friends isnt an available option.

for this trip, i brought quite little with me but spent most of it on gifts for others, thus earning the nickname of 'Santa Claus' from my friend. food for thought: placing yourself before others, there's no guarantee that others will place you anywhere near the front. but the thing is that i cant help it. same applies to being as asshole. the harsh realities of life will come, and what decisions will i make then? ahhh

as for the dance that the seniors are preparing for the upcoming concert Reverie, im not too happy with the dance, the person in-charge of the dance and i think it'd be a flop. ohwell, i dont really care too much though, as can be seen from my lack of practice, haha.

random facts:

i suck at any type of electronic games - esp counterstrike

met weixun from xms and zhihao from tjc during my stay there

thailand is suffocatingly hot - and that is an understatement, haha

i saw flocks of ducks, herds of poultry and drove against the traffic legally. confused? haha

roadside stalls taste pretty nice, not to mention CHEAP, heh.

i got my first ever heat rash, lol

watched movies (mysterious skin, the ugly truth, lord of the ring, time traveller's wife, etc.) and TV series (the mentalist, how i met your mother, gossip girls, big bang theory, californification) some disturbing, some enjoyable, go figure.

3 weeks came and went and now im jerked back into my real life, and have been here for around a week now. bittersweet feeling really. the habitual, routine schedules of mine arent exactly what i would consider exciting but the near primitive lifestyle of thailand isnt exactly what would suit me in the long term either.

whatever the case, welcome back jonathan

Thailand

2010-03-02T15:49:00.005+08:00

random picture that caught my eye. but i think thats whats happening in my mind recently. kinda arguing with myself over some issues. i'll sort it out somehow someday im sure.

anyways, i'll be out of town from 3rd March to 24th March, will be in Thailand, yea. dont sms me cause i dont have autoroam, so i'll only get it on the 24th when i touch down, lol. just mail me or facebook msg me, i'll be checking it sometimes.

ohya, i heard that the A lvl results will be out this week, so all the best to my juniors as well as all those unfortunate dudes who retook As. hope you guys get satisfactory results. but bear in mind that results aren't everything and any deviation from straight As does not constitute a suicide senerio. just take things in your stride, cause whatever's meant to be will work out perfectly...

early happy birthday to those having birthday during my period of absence like siewmin, angeline and roderick, yup.

take care for now peeps :)

badminton! woo!

2010-02-18T20:49:00.002+08:00

several random updates!

1. im into badminton... again! and i decided that being a defensive player isnt the way to go, end up losing and getting whacked only, boo!

2. lotsa reflection to do after talking to 2lt-to-be-loowenbin, made me think about friendships, my own personalities and lots of other stuff. its hard talking to him sometimes, sigh,

3. im going to thailand on 2nd march, mixed feelings really. not sad but not happy either. cause im gonna miss wenbin, xw, jaren, and lotsa other cool dudes' commissioning parade, yea, boo!

4. i need to start writing poetry or jeremy's gonna kill me! theme's 'visitors', inspired by cny, according to him, lol.

5. im too thin and i look like a kid, haha.

thats all for now

2010-02-11T21:30:00.002+08:00

i was exercising the other day and while i was cooling down, i was basically walking about. as i was listening to the radio and was singing quite loudly the song 'Ain't No Sunshine' by Olivia. just as i turned around and wanted to walk back to my office, i saw 3 guys about 10m from me. one of them was staring at me as though im some kinda psyco. damn paiseh can, but whatever lah, i AM weird in my own way, haha.

2 RJC 1HCI 1TJC

i know im being super random

young

2010-02-06T00:39:00.004+08:00

guess what?

a parent of one of my students actually told me that i look really young.
whats new?

i get that A LOT, like seriously. you look like... 14?!? 16?!? im 20 for goodness sake, haha. not that im complaining that i look young. but there's a thin line between young and childish, and sadly i think i swing towards the childish side, though im like super mature in my thinking, haha. im sure i'll get bombarded for saying that. ohwells, young, childish, whatever. i'll get self-conscious soon enough, and yes thats bad, haha.

i need new clothes and pants and shoes and belt and bag to look more matured. but ohwells, that will have to wait for a while until i save enough to get them. spent my money not really wisely i think. but as long as there're results i'll be contented. whats been done cant be undone. so pray pray pray, haha.

my mum said im ugly - again, lol

longest post yet yea.

jiayou uni peeps, sch rocks :))

sometimes i wonder if my life would be better if im an officer, sigh

happy but busy

2010-01-27T23:40:00.002+08:00

woo, im happy.

but im super busy this week

and a bit suay as i got booked by Military Police for some stupid reason, deployment swayed towards the 4 days 3 nights direction, which is super sad, and im damn tired right now.

haha, im complaining a lot, lol.

no regrets

2010-01-07T20:34:00.002+08:00

tried my best
the only thing left to do now

is wait

lonely

2009-12-28T23:12:00.003+08:00

dont know why but i suddenly feel very lonely, well not the relationship kinda lonely but just lonely.

maybe because my best friend havent been talking to me recently, or maybe its just that i havent been in camp for more than a week and im thinking too much, or maybe its just that the house is empty right now (though it has always been for months now), and the list goes on...

some simple events can allow one to see whos your actual friends. i know that my social circle is big and i have a lot of friends, but i have a lot acquaintances too. when you have a lot of friends, it is mandatory to invest time into your friendships, to maintain them, to make them last. but of course there are ppl who do not put in just as much effort as you do, and that might lead you to conclude that the particular person is not your friend, or he/she just simply doesnt consider you one.

2009-12-20T11:06:00.001+08:00

no expectations

no disappointments

poem

2009-11-29T14:07:00.003+08:00

this is my attempt at writing a poem that actually rhythms when i was in australia. i only wrote one, my friend wrote like a dozen, lol.

poked consciousness, distant voices, unfamiliar sights
waking up had just become an unimportant fight
immobility, relentless pain
enveloping this pointless refrain
yearning for all to feel as before
actuality strikes, shattering hopes once tall

all is clear, it seems
none of which fits in
these lonely encounters appear so wrong
despite all efforts to make them strong
i guess it just wasn't meant to be
relief, escapade, release - please

this isn't the first, it won't be the last
all that fate has installed, continum of a lonely pathetic past
fall to insanity, fall till absurb
this life has been nothing short of pain, torture, resentment
what options remain in ending this life
before disappointments, failures, diseases, become rife

as night falls and dawn draws near
beginning marks the end, as torture entails
nothing to expect but seething pain
life seem like a meaningless terrain
starring into space as i lay down right
hopeful never to see the next break of light

fading consciousness, drifting voices,unpredictable sights
falling asleep is well - just another rite
desolation in this endless rain
breaking out of this enternal contain
yearning for this all to come to an end
darkness falls, rendering death a possible friend

ppl, pls dont think too much, haha.

back

2009-11-25T16:29:00.003+08:00

jon's back.

well, wallaby was rather eventful. vehicles burning, bush fires, feeling unwell and bad camp sites, ahh. glad its over.

went to sgh to see the doc to see whats wrong with me. but everything seems to be ok though. then why on earth am i feeling unwell. crap. but i got referred to a neurologist due to my headaches. but im skeptical about everything right now, so whatever i guess.

back to camp on mon, so i have quite a lot of time to myself for now.
did i mention im thinking of changing course next year? haha

whatever's meant to be will work out perfectly.

this is serious

2009-10-20T14:49:00.003+08:00

went out with kenny on saturday and went out with jinzhe and sunny on sunday. had a really great time with them. it just reminds me of what good friends i have, haha.

off to wallaby for one month tmr, will miss everyone, so dont worry, haha.

wish me luck
there's smth seriously wrong with me

still ill

2009-10-07T18:39:00.003+08:00

i suddenly realise when im sick that o7 means a lot to me. how almost everyone of them play an important role in my life, that i really treasure them a lot.

also, i realise that health is of utmost importance to me and sometimes i need the lesson of a long illness to remind me of that. i hope that my body overcomes the virus soon. im feeling better, just to let everyone know.

i know im MIA-ing, but trust me, i'll be back soon, like in december? yea. sry guys, im really trying my best to get a life.

health over everything

Sick

2009-09-26T13:22:00.001+08:00

hey guys

sry for the lack of updates but i'd been sick for almost 2 weeks now, here's the story.

i went to run in the night and slept without drinking enough water = fever
took panadol = got better
went to play tennis in the hot afternoon sun the next day = relapse
took panadol = did not get better
see doctor = supposed to eat well, sleep well, rest well
went outfield from monday to wednesday due to stubbornness = worsen
rest from thurs to sun = got better but not completely well

conclusion = im dying

please attend my funeral in the near future if i were to die soon

i will let everyone know when i get completely well, yup, no worries.

just tired of it all

selfishness

2009-09-05T22:08:00.004+08:00

this week has been quite busy, esp when last minute deployment comes in and when so many students try to change their timings. im so not gonna take up so many tuitions next year, lol.

the presence of selfishness is so real in my life that its suffocating me. week in week out, its the saturdays & sundays that really stresses me out, not so much as comfort me at all.

understanding and occasional giving is all i ask. i'd come to realise that im capable of giving and giving, with no expectations of return. the sour feeling does ooze out from my heart time to time, only to be washed away by telling myself that this is how things should be.

im contented with everything

but its all taken away

what's left

...

there's nowhere i can seek solace and comfort

- why am i not surprised

reflection

2009-08-23T15:14:00.002+08:00

life's been good to me so far, and made me think of two issues at hand that i really need to handle soon...

went out with sunny and jinzhe ystd - was a super last minute thing, and well, had dinner and talked a lot. talked about life is 39 sce, life in tradoc, and lots more. what was most impressionable was the issue on parents, that there's a difference between:

parents being parents

and

parents being themselves

well, just food for thought.

had dinner with some o7 peeps - huiru, cei, siewmin, alicia and agatha, and went to see ivan's and cei's hostel. i personally thought it was rather cosy and nice. being with the uni peeps really made me think of the fact that i need a scholarship.

as usual, i'll ask the question: what's the keyword?

is there an easier way out of this misery

AHM

2009-08-16T11:06:00.003+08:00

just finished Army Half Marathon, 21km, haha.

completed the race in 2hr 50min
which means 7.5km per hour
which means 125m per minute
which means im quite slow, haha

ohwells, i din train for it
maximum i ran before the run was 12km
what more could i expect, haha.

reached home by 10 and slept before leaving to teach tuition. sometimes i wonder why i bother teaching so many students when it compromises on my social life, ie rejecting an outing with janson and glenn on sat and meetup with lisa on sun. but it all boils down to - i dont have much of a choice. ohwells.

met up with the swimmers senior ystd to celebrate huimin's birthday, happy times =) happy birthday huimin =))

im damn busy recently and irritated sometimes. dont know what to do man.

tired of it all.

driver course

2009-07-24T22:13:00.002+08:00

been quite long since i blog i guess.

anyways, i finished driver course alr and my unit hasnt been successful in indenting mattress for me. sigh.

i passed all my assessments and tests in one attempt, except height, which is very very very retarded and incredible, lol. its where they erect this pole-like item and asks you to estimate the height of the pole, giving you an allowance of +/-50cm and yet i can still fail, haha. its the easiest station to pass but i managed to fail it, like junkai frm my unit, lol.

i made friends over a short period of 5 weeks and im only close to 2 of them - jinzhe and sunny, they really made my last 2 weeks really enjoyable man. first 3 weeks i was with sarif and the china peeps, quite funny, but freq aint there i suppose.

leaving aint easy, and esp returning to a unit that you neither like nor enjoy being. its too slack, no bunk, and just plain boring. kill me.

more disappointing events along the way, im sure.

lets just take things one step at a time, handle it one at a time.

theory of relativity

2009-07-05T13:58:00.002+08:00

i live my life under relativity.

i compare myself to others

to see how bad a situation i am in

not necessarily a bad thing

but it sure isnt a good thing

i ask myself why others are able to do something while i cant

its definitely not because my capabilities are below theirs

it just so happens to turn out this way thats all

but i just cannot accept the absurb fact

that im incompetent because of it

cause i know im not

i'd finally came to a conclusion that my life is bad, not because i allow it to, but because im very unlucky. maybe there's a certain person whos acting as my jinx and is making my life suck more than it should. even my best friend says that im just too plain unlucky and i should try to find the person whos jinx-ing me, haha.

but there is just one thing that i should be happy over: that i have many friends, not acquaintances, but friends. friends who are genuinely concerned about me. regardless army, pri sch, sec sch, jc friends, i have many whom i can relate to and tell my troubles to, not just to talk cock and sing song with.

i should enjoy my life more

i should look on the brighter side of things

i should dispel the emo-ness within me

i should get over the series of unhappy and unfortunate events

i should be contented with things as they are

i should be happy

but sadly im not

bad bad bad

2009-06-07T11:38:00.003+08:00

things dont go my way. i can take it.

my pc doesnt care that our bunk only have bed frames but no mattresses, pillow, pillow cases and bed sheets and i have to sought it out for myself. sadly, without much progress. i can take it.

im alone in this camp and that im gonna be posted out to driver course yet again. i can take it.

relationships sour and turn from back to worse. i can take it.

insufficiency. i can take it.

but there's always a limit to which one can take
how much more of these can i take
its just disappointing
and tiring

bad news

2009-05-31T09:50:00.002+08:00

just woke up and elise dropped a bad news on me, damn emo now, sigh.

bad things just happen one after the next and there's nth that i can do abt it. whenever i try to vie for smth, it never seems to work in my favour and i'll just end up disappointed - as always. always thinking that there'll be a glimmer of hope that things will take for a better turn but it never materialises. as with my life for the next dozens of years, it'll not and i guess never will be smooth sailing and i'll just have to take it as it comes. life will never be a bed of roses, even if for one second at all.

all this talk is just but wallowing in self-pity
afterall, im not that strong
is that a glimmer of hope i see, or is it just my eyes playing tricks on me

Outings

2009-05-17T13:02:00.002+08:00

do i need to plan for the next outing, lol. its difficult u know, haha. its ok lah, i think i'll just do it, but must wait for a while yea, next week like a bit difficult, haha. actually it depends whether im going out with weebeng on friday, but i think he'll forget again, haha. but need to see. i got so many things going on man.

huat, huat, huat! i really hope he can get into ntu's accountancy via appeal cause i think he can do it and he has been super emo ever since enlistment, just as i am. and also because i wanna stay in hostel with him, the only one whom im comfortable with and who wants to go ntu, haha. dont worry huat, your field camp will pass and we'll meet up soon. smiles yea.

first week

2009-05-09T21:57:00.005+08:00

jingli, eric & i = confinees, woo!
really miss you guys man, hope arti is good.

one week passed and well, i din really talk to the people there cause our freq a bit different so yea. we'll see how it goes bah. its quite slack and all but im all alone. i dont like to keep adapting to new environments though im able to. it gets very sian after a while. im going for driver course soon so i'll be leaving my new unit for a while, yea.

still trapped in the life of SI (my sergeant prefers to call it Shit Island) but i'll move on sooner or later, hopefully. had dinner with nicholas teo kian chong, khati, woei en, eric, marcus and timothy, quite good catching up and talking crap. hope there would be a next time :)

staying at glenn's hse with marcus for the rest of the week cause i dun wanna stay in camp yet. maybe after i come back from the driver's course then i'll see how bah. i wanna sleep in bunks, not in an aircon room without beds, lol.

whatever's meant to be will work out perfectly

20/08 outing!

2009-05-03T11:47:00.004+08:00

>hey, keep in contact yea

>haha, only if you allow me to

well, my 6 weeks course has ended and i still dont really like radios and antennas, but i really like my platoon a lot. im posted out to a place where its gonna be super slack and im the only one there, its really quite sad for me.

i'll miss people like jeremy, glenn, woei en, ze rui, alvar, marcus, genson, eric, roderick, jingli, weebeng and timothy. it was great being there with them for the past 6 weeks, despite the fact that i din wanna be too close to them. guess its too late for regrets now.

the outing on sat was a blast and i seriously enjoyed myself thoroughly. the company was good and i was a bit high on alcohol though i wasnt drunk, and i know that i will really miss them a whole deal. dont wanna move on without them, but the screwed up ns system just wun permit. lets just see what the future has installed for us.

i dont have high hopes that we'll even meet for a next outing, but i hope we will. it takes all parties to put in the effort to remain bonded and i for one will try my best to. lets hope that whoever i mentioned above will try to make it or i'll have to accept what weebeng said: friends come and go in life.

sad to hear, good to know

2009-04-19T19:29:00.000+08:00

been busy lately, will update soon =)

update!

2009-04-05T09:57:00.002+08:00

as you would have noticed, i make the effort to blog at least once every week, to let everyone know of my emo level and my life, which is basically army nowadays.

second week of the course picked up pace and there were tests which i screwed up, but i dun think i'll really care in the end, lol. waking up every morning feeling emo isnt what its supposed to be like, but i have no idea why i feel like that recently, maybe its a sign of depression? haha, hopefully not.

went to swim training on sat and met up with the swimmers from my batch, quite happy to see that they're doing fine, though some arent happy with their jobs and whatsoever stuff. then went to homecoming day at xinmin, kinda stoned there for some time cause of the madness happening ard me and i dont know many ppl there. its a sign that im getting old, haha. lastly i went out to eat with biing yih and we talked about almost everything, from ns to life to how i should call him if i ever feel suicidal, haha.

4 more weeks to posting out to the next unit, not exactly caring about it since im just waiting for ns to be over, in a matter of 22 mths or so, haha, thats a long time, crap.

signals suck

2009-03-28T18:40:00.008+08:00

after one week of being in 20/08 IC2 OPR, i can conclude that i hate it and will not like it even in the near future. sighz. i feel pathetic cause there's no physical training, just sit in the com lab and self study and go for lectures. its basically like jc life, but a thousand times worse. the course is seven weeks and im seriously counting down alr.

the week in there, it was worse than i thought it would be. i miss my classmates, i miss my section mates, i miss my mohawk coy. i dun enjoy the legendary slackness of it all and whenever it rains and im in the com lab, i feel sad whenever it rains, cause i'd imagine being in ocs & all the shit jason, vincent & huat has to endure. i wish i could do it with them. i realized im considered an oddball in there, wanting to go to ocs when the rest cant be any happier being there. its even worse than school. i really miss my o7 a lot.

my birthday came and went, was in camp for most of the part of it and had dinner with angeline, cei, ivan and hanliang. i really appreciate their company, esp after 5 days in camp. had dinner with my section mates on sat and played pool with them. enjoyable as it was, it had to come to an end and well, we went our separate ways again. hah, hope they endure their vocation too. im tired of ns, sian-ed of it.

thanks for those who wished me: zhiyuan, sarah aka dajie, angeline aka erjie, suechee, hanliang, caroline, ivan, victoria, alicia, jinzhi, sherman, elise, carol, angeline, christian, lisa, desmond, sibei, lenard, shi ting, huiru, bonn, ian, weihui, jerene, siewmin. benson, jason, cheehuat too although hanliang reminded you guys, haha.

things arent great at home too. its tiring to handle the same thing over and over again. a resolution is necessary. things need to be resolved. i dont know how this is going to work out in the end but i hope it does.

hang in there ocs peeps. 2 weeks left.

follow up

2009-03-22T19:52:00.005+08:00

swimmers (seniors) held an early birthday celebration for me and jiehan (the emohans, LoL) ystd and it was really fun! really really appreciate it =))

jiehan and i
ordering food (i was unaware! haha)
cake time!

make a wish (jiehan was reluctant to do so, haha)
my present! (and no, i like it a lot =)))

thx shu, rach, ivan, glendon, jiehan and daniel (shu's bf)

it has been a while since i blogged hasnt it. anyways, today's the last day of my block leave and tmr i'll be reporting to stagmont camp aka slack-mont camp for signals operations. dun really know what that is but i need to stay in nonetheless. mixed feelings really but whatever, right now also a bit difficult to get tutees.

it has been a rather fruitful leave. catching up with swimmers (peers, juniors and seniors), primary sch friends (angeline and gerald loke), zhiyuan & gang, o7o7, etc. spending lotsa money, scholarship applications and uni applications. life is really unpredictable right now but my prediction is that its gonna be monotonous, for quite a while.

i think i'll want a quiet birthday this year to just think about stuff. yea, emo as it might sound but i think i'll get it. peace and quiet.

Results

2009-03-08T15:40:00.004+08:00

results day came and went and i guess its just life that disappointment falls on you continuously such that nothing makes sense anymore. i didnt do exactly well nor do i belong to the not-so-good category, neither here nor there, its just annoyingly ordinary.

applied for ntu alr and i think that's the only uni i'll be applying for so yea. my choices are as follows:
1. Double Degree in Business & Accountancy
2. Accountancy
3. Sciences (Education)
4. Mathematics and Economics
5. Psycology

there's still time to change my choices since the deadline is in April so yea. but i dont think i'll be able to get my double degree since all the ppl who get them get 4 As and not surprisingly, i dont belong to that category. im not expecting much from my application, just more disappointment to rain on me.

as for those who really feel that they din do well, just take it in your stride as i alr have and just fully utilize whatever results you have and try for the course of your choice anyways. you really never know what might come your way though more often than not its quite predictable. jiayou ppl, at least the worst is over now.

carol, elise, alicia, chee huat, benson. i know you guys deserve much better results than what you're getting. we all know your standards and it is definitely not just the mere letters you're getting in your result slip. you guys are made for big things and i hope that you guys do not let this setback put you down. its just a one time slipoff, its just another bummer, i hope to see your smiles again soon. jon's always here for you. =/

worst week of ns

2009-03-01T12:13:00.003+08:00

quick update on life... woo!

this week was the worst week of ns life, basically because of the bad combination of field camp and persistant torrential downpour, coupled with blisters, freezing weather and lots of leopard crawl and imprompto drills in the mud. ah, it passed and it wasnt all that bad. just hope that i can jump 234cm for broad jump (im doubtful) then i probably can get my gold for ippt, haha.

ppl speculate that A lvl results will be out next friday and im quite scared abt it, no shit. its gonna be a turning point in my life. totally bad or totally good. hope its ok, kill me! i actually dreamt that i got AABBB, which isnt that bad but its definitely below my expectations, lol. it will never happen since my best friend got a E for physics but she doesnt take physics. ah, wth, lets just wait for the worst to come

POC-ing soon and i think i'll really miss my section mates once we post out cause they're really nice and crappy bunch of ppl. hope we get posted to the same unit yea, if not i'll have to make friends all over again, not really good at it though. i really want non-combat specialist, no idea how i can get it but i think i might ask my segeant, maybe, haha.

poem

2009-02-21T16:33:00.002+08:00

i came up with a poem and i think only lucy (aka lucius) read it before. i thought it was not bad, haha. you judge for yourself.

what is love?

is love a necessity,

or a priceless entity?

is love a longing out of loneliness,

or a present dropped from high above?

is love eternal and burning strong,

or just but an infatuation all along?

is love...

couldnt think of anymore to write so yea, kinda left it dangling.

and lucius, u're just another emokid yea, dun even try to deny it.

Army

2009-02-14T11:08:00.003+08:00

im finally out from my first confinement and im actually quite nonchalent about it. basically because army life has been a breeze thus far and also due to the fact that i have amiable section mates, haha. anyways, im in Mohawk Company, Platoon 2, Section 2, Bed 6. and my 4D no. would then follow to be 2206. you guys might be a bit blur about what im talking about but argh, its just army stuff. lemme intro my section/bunk mates to you guys, though u wun knw them anyways, lol.

Bed 1 - Shuan from ACS(I) whos damn shy and slack

Bed 2 - Ting Kun from HCJC who huiru knows and hes just damn high

Bed 3 - Jun Yen from TPJC whos damn irritating and looks like a pervert, hah

Bed 4 - Ian from ACJC whos a bit unpredictable at times

Bed 5 - Kenny from JJC whos my buddy and is an sms addict

Bed 6 - Me!

Bed 7 - Daryl from CWSS

Bed 8 - Marco from RJC whos damn horny

Bed 9 - Jin Jun from RJC whos a musician and into planes

Bed 10 - Lucius from ACS(I) whos nice to talk to at times

Bed 11 - Zi Jian from RJC whos in pes C for a reason i deem uncomprehendable

Bed 12 - Jackson from CJC whos damn blur

Bed 13 - Dexter from PJC who has a lot of games stuff

well, i'll be with them for the next 4 weeks or so and then off to our vocation. hopefully things are smooth. but i dont knw how life will change from there. i seriously have to hope for the best and prepare for the worst man. life sucks.

i think im ok with storeman, i think. many of my section mates want clerk and i think its just a tad bit boring. i dont knw, my mind's all messed up now. =/

Hey

2009-01-25T22:41:00.003+08:00

what's running through my mind,
when all i do is work.
friendship, results, love, self,
flashes with infinite possibilities.
what should i think?
im overwhlemed by it all.
im desperate,
for something, somewhere, somehow

im listing on the 28th people! so yea, u wun get to see me updating my blog for about 2 weeks or more. dont miss me yea, haha.

im kinda nonchalent towards army and i think i'll just take whatever it offers, or what it doesnt. maybe i'll meet some close friends in there, maybe i'll hate some of them. maybe we'll clique super well, maybe we'll start off on the wrong foot. maybe i'll get posted to clerk, maybe i wont. whatever it is, i think i'll just be myself, which is the most truthful and sincere. we'll see how things go then.

A lvls - sigh a thousand times over

crappy life

2009-01-18T00:39:00.002+08:00

one more week of 'life' before i officially enter 'no life land', lol.

just came back from ivan's birthday party not long ago and i cant totally say i enjoyed it but the restaurant was quite good. nice food, haha. basically it. hope next week's steamboat will be better. oh, i think i offended daniel, shu's boyfriend, ah, sry once again. really cant get over it.

working tmr, mon, tues, wed, thurs, fri, sun. nice life. lol. pls make it for gathering on sat o7 peeps. so looking forward to meeting you guys again.

the feeling of ugliness is falling back upon me and i cant help but feel that its really not me thinking too much this time round. its kinda true. argh, life sucks.

lol

2009-01-13T20:14:00.005+08:00

went to play basketball yesterday with my fellow instructors shihui, andy, dylis and one other girl i forgot, oppss. andy was pro and the rest of us were like noobs, okok, i know we are, heh. anyways, i had a great time playing with them as well as talking to them. interesting point to note is that we were from different jcs, almost lah. nj, tj, tpj, srj. quite cool huh.

shihui and the other girl is going to the same camp on the 21st to 23rd while me and andy are still uncontacted by them. sigh, i think im damned by nature. kill me. im not as rich as andy though my pay will come in two mths later, haha. working as cashier is getting boring and im like working full shift next week can. thus, i need 3 days to be a camp instructor so that i can escape for a while, lol. i waited for the entire day for them to call me alr. sigh. hopefully they call me tmr, though i think the list is confirmed alr, crap.

me and jiawei are basically the only ones left outside of army (i DO NOT want to talk abt raghu in this post) while the rest are inside. even when they are out, i haven gone in. which means, i will be confined alone, like what the hell can. haha. kill me yet again. jiawei's bored with his job, i am bored with mine. i think we need a life, ahh. kill me yet again and again. rahh.

kill me.

2009-01-12T00:14:00.002+08:00

im angry, though i dun think i ought to be.

camp went ok, not too bad, except for my in-charge by the name of zico. dun really like him.
my mirror, which is the facilitator of my buddy group is not bad, but that's precisely the bad thing i guess. shows how much worse i am too. crap. i think life sucks. seriously. its bad. kill me. i feel like dying. like now. argh.

met up with chuanwei and got to know deyuan and shaowei. nice ppl. just realised all of their names are chinese names and mine is christian. haha. anyways, it was nice meeting new ppl i guess. though im scared of my first impression. which is most probably bad anyhow. yet another reason for me to kill myself.

i'd always been unlucky all my life. cant something just go my way for once. i guess not.

kill me.

busy week!

2009-01-05T23:30:00.002+08:00

this week im gonna be busy beyond what i can cope with man, haha. though i'll survive, i hope.

mon - work from 12pm to 10pm
tues - work from 10am to 5pm then go make specs
wed thurs fri - camp facilitator
fri night - dinner with friend
sat - work from 12pm to 10pm
sun - work from 11am to 10pm

i think i might just die, haha.

those going into ns, jiayou! i feel weird saying that cause im going in 3 weeks later can, haha.
you guys can do it. =)
i'll just suffer later, heh. though i think pes C will be a breeze

back to my busy life )=)

update again

2008-12-29T21:37:00.002+08:00

life's been pretty boring recently, other than work, my leisure time is just spent at home on the computer other than the oh-so-exciting-christmas-party that i dun wanna blog abt since its really quite fun. no one slept that night can, haha. i need a life, and i dont think i will have it back for the next 2 years or so since army isnt exactly a life i wanna lead, especially pes C, crap.

my pay hasnt gone in, probably due to the fact that i started working late this month, which is wonderful cause im gonna be super broke. the only time i will get my pay is one day before my enlistment, and what good is that may i ask? ahhaha. whatever. im going crazy and im like delirious.

work has been quite ok, meeting different customers everyday sure spices my monotonous scanning and typing of codes up. at least im seeing drama now and then. i ever come across a super young women with 2 kids, one gal one guy, and the guy is like 8 or 10 years old and has a freaking earhole can? omg. i think kids these days are behaving more matured then their thinking, if you get what i mean.

this post is quite lame. dun blame me, no exciting live to blog of.

random

2008-12-23T13:02:00.005+08:00

hey there, today's my off day and im like dreading going to work tmr and the day after that and so on... you get the drift, lol. yesterday after working, i short of 12 plus dollars, argh. will be deducted from my pay, sianned.

tmr got christmas party at rach's, hope it'll be fun =) and then hope my schedule this week is good. im very scared everything doesnt go my way. i'll be damn sad. im planning class gathering but i've this feeling that vincent is helping me plan. but ohwells, im better as an assistant, not as a leader, so yup, lol. i hope everything turns out fine. argh.

went out with swimmers yesterday and i was really happy hanging out with them, yes even junhong although he always laughs at me cause i eat a lot, or cause i always whine, or cause i always etc. lol. it was just nice hanging out with them. im wondering when will i hang out with my swimming seniors, haha.

i'll let pictures do the talking then =)

everyone minus junhong
the guys minus junhong

heh.

everyone, woo!

seniors aka year 2s =)

Outing with Kirk

2008-12-18T23:46:00.003+08:00

went out with kirk after work today, he treated me dinner at Breeks (if i din spell wrongly, heh)

anyways, he sms-ed me 1 hour before the agreed time to check if i was out alr, haha. and i replied him, even though i was still at work, lol. anyways, i dressed more formally than i usually would since i was dining at town and guess what he wore? that sports appreciation shirt that says BADMINTON in front and i was like, ok i should have been myself and wore something retarded as well, haha.

anyways, it was a great catching up session and lotsa sharing involved. hes really one of the few people whom i feel so relaxed talking to and he would always continue the conversation before i, which is rare cause usually im always the one talking ard others, lol.

oh, but hes a spendthrift. even though hes rich (though he will say, im not rich, my father is rich, LoL pls) but must still and not spend like nth right, haha. today alone he spent more than $150, yea. but he says he will save next year, so thats a good sign.

before i got off the train, he was sad and he din knw why, haha, melacholic feel i guess.

to everyone out there, smiles =) though its a bit ironic coming from me, heh.

everyone looks so happy in it, haha.

I have updated... at last!

2008-12-14T00:54:00.003+08:00

okok, im updating! haha

anyways, i'd been busy with work for the past week. i took up a cashier job at cold storage at compass point (yes, alicia can visit me, but try not to, lol) with pathetic pay but quite nice ppl ard, haha. i also signed up with Camp High Achievers as a camp facilitator which i think i will like and will start work in jan and will cut down at cold storage side. i decided not to declare that my ear has some prob though, dunno whether that was wise.

my life is kinda packed now so i guess im happy, haha. i dun enjoy torturing myself alrite, just that i cant rest for too long or i'd rot, my class should know that, haha. =)

ohya, im also busy organising outings, which include the christmas party and countdown. okok, i admit i just started planning today, heh. i cant go out much cause of my working schedule and also cause i lack money, lol. i need money, like who doesnt.

on the random thoughts side, i feel like getting a psp which i must NOT buy and i cant remember the codes that i need to type for a lot of items at cold storage. they have a weird system which is rather inefficient i find, lol.

cant remember of anything else to update, i will update sooooon, really!!! =) im not like jason low wei jun =P

dun be bored =) find a job. get a life.

H3

2008-11-27T09:56:00.002+08:00

sherman tan and nicholas tan both did not get h3 maths when their results were ok to grant them a h3. is it me or is it that the selection process just got tougher. anyhow, i feel damn sad for them cause they'd been anticipating the results since their application. nick told me hes not that sad but its just him to say that.

you will get over it and focus on your other h2s. it can only get tougher. jiayou.

sighz.
if the other 2 got it, i will literally murder them!

Job!!!

2008-11-26T16:41:00.002+08:00

I need and want a job. dont wanna freaking rot for the next 2 months, omg.

anyone with references to jobs please please please please lemme knw asap!!!

thx! lol.

and the previous post was my 100th post, how conincidental, haha.

Its all over?

2008-11-23T20:18:00.004+08:00

i'd never thought that things would end this way, so suddenly that a vacuum has been created in my life.

A levels is finally over and our o7 chalet has come to a close. this chalet is very unlike any other. its not super fun nor was it super long. nonetheless, this chalet has been nothing short of a realisation and final savouring of the o7 spirit. nothing fantastic really. just a couple of people and a really big chalet with insufficient beds to sleep on and limited aircon, coupled with a complete set of kitchenware.

the final night was a blast. not that we played super fun games with ridiculous forfeits, nor was it that we had an errotic night. rather, it was just a simple video done by miss.nus high jinzhi & a heart-to-heart talk between the 22 of us, despite mr.bai zhipeng dozing off in the middle due to slight fever. not only were most of us wide awake up till 7 in the morning, many cried, which includes girls and guys, not me though, lol. wont name who cried but it really was a shocking night for me cause ppl whom i never imagined would cry actually turned emotional.

i cant say i din cry cause i did, lol. i cried only when i reached home that afternoon after the chalet. the cry was pretty bad, but it went to show how much i appreciate my class. i really think that they are an incredible bunch of people whom i look forward to see how they will turn out 10 years down the road, on 07/07/2018 at 7.00p.m. in front of Temasek Junior College frontgate.

many will not be able to understand why we act this way, as seen from the reaction of some of my friends. we arent overly emotional, just that you just happen to not be that bonded to your class. a bit crude but sorry, lol.

im quite happy for that talk cause i really said what i felt about the people, thanked them, and apologised to them over whatever it was. i just its just that our affinity has ended for some of us...

still hurts thinking about their departure, esp karina angelica

the link between us can never be reconstructed

screwed up

2008-11-11T18:06:00.004+08:00

damn sad now cause i flunked my econs, as in real big time. i expected more than this from myself, im screwed

question asked for policies and i kinda only gave one. ah crap, my life sucks.
market failure was like super unsure and im like so dead i think
did BOP which came out last year and i didnt study
who on earth would predict that! omg, ahhh!
my A has flown away, my life is over
im pissed right now
super pissed
still pissed

kill me.

midway through

2008-11-07T16:34:00.003+08:00

this is frm my kor's blog and i think its artistically appealing, yup.

halfway there and barely surviving... nah, im still ok, not THAT bad, though i screwed up quite a lot of papers, not gonna talk abt it until after As, so no emo post today =)

realised that out of all my wishes with regards to my seniors, only the guys message me, none of the girls messaged me. not surprising since the girls are in uni and can hardly keep track of their schwork much less when As start or end. i understand that their uni life is tedious and busy so yea, i knw they wished me nonetheless, lol. as for the guys, evidently NS is so brainless that they have time to think of their beloved junior, haha. but i really appreciate their wishes and most importantly of all, i hope i dont disappoint you guys. only 2 subj are over so i cant really tell, next week perhaps, things will be much clearer, hopefully.

jiayou those having As and all the best! as for those whos Os are over, dun disturb us! we need to study! lol. and uni students, time management is the key i believe. NS men, dun die in there and dun complain too much either, haha, referring to my senior emo, lol.

studying econs for the next few days, wish me luck.

A lvls is here

2008-10-30T10:57:00.003+08:00

A lvls is here and of course im not ready, well, i'll nv be, but just do my best i guess.

jiayou for your paper today CLL people and i think hist students as well =)

from left: huijeen(dun noe how to spell, lol), san san the multi-lingual gal, joanne the piano expert, jonathan pang aka my kor whos a super nice guy, and well, me =)

an outing, not long ago with my choir seniors, 'cept one, haha. it was nice talking to them, no pressure no nothing, just talk, really good break. but i just dun like to study, haha. oh yea, and joanne commented that i got rounder, haha. i think so too, omg. ah, As more impt, get that done then see how things go, woo! hope to meet up with them soon =) dun be lazy kor!

i dun like to study =P

life

2008-10-22T13:37:00.003+08:00

used to think that studying is easier than swimming. well, i still stand by it, haha.

but the difference is that results yield from studying is very often unpredictable in nature

as long as you swim more and be more hardworking, results will show.

you might study 24/7, but nothing comes out of it due to examination stress, and people might deem you stupid.

im studying, slowly, but im sure that i'll complete it. but the factor of luck is beyond my control and all i can hope is that whatever i studied and remembered will come out during exam and none of the questions stump me. well, it always work this way, for everyone, doesnt it.

a one time screwup doesnt make you stupid, but a one time screw up comes with an opportunity cost that im not prepared and will not bear if i were to screw up. major exams are just devils that attempt to group people into elites, the norm and the outcasts. i've seen cases of all three cases before and of course i hope to be in the elites. haven been out of it yet, but its getting more difficult to maintain. especially when one screwup or one mark lost can put you in somewhere you dont belong.

life's such, which differs by only a letter from life suck

hang in there, everything will be all over sooner than you or i expect

problems and boredom

2008-10-16T00:35:00.003+08:00

im so bored that i dont know what to do
international trade and income determination's not helpdful
SA's maths is also unfruitful

i have a truckload of work to complete and revise
mind's not focusing, running all about like mice

i need discipline
tell me what to do
i cant put a finger to it
oh im so screwed

you guys had better be mugging
otherwise i'll be seeing you crying
next year in feb results will be out
omg, i think i'll be booking out

enlisting on 28th January
im so happy i ate a cadbury
such a failed attempt on making things rhythm
oh well, i'll still treat my work as a dime

that's called sianned and dont feeling like studying.

i dont know how to solve the problem btw us
i didnt want things to turn out this way either

sianned

2008-10-07T21:01:00.004+08:00

im damn sian.
done rj chem paper and its damn demoralising.
realised that my chem concepts are weak but really tired of studying
ahh, crap.
i need my 4s.
jiawei said that those who get C and below cant get A at the A lvls
kinda disappointed with him though.

im not the type who can study 24/7, and this is sadly what is required of me in order to do well.
cause im a freaking slow learner

stop saying im smart
stop saying im stupid
i dont even know where i stand
stop judging me
i dont deserve this

sry bout these pointless rants, and dont comfort me yea,
its tiring enough for you to read these kinda posts over and over again
so dont trouble yourself

sitting alone in the silent night
with nothing but my notes
life - pointless and bland

with no signs of comfort in sight
none at all

lessen the pain
lessen the hopelessness
nothing's going to get better
it can only get worse

im really ok =/

2008-10-03T21:23:00.000+08:00

i need to study

but...

lamentation

2008-10-01T10:38:00.003+08:00

results are out, ohwell, it sucks as usual, so yea, gotta work on them, or im screwed for As.
life had been, is and will be monotonous for the next month or so cause i'll be busy preparing for my As.

things has been weird lately and i dont think i wanna deal with them right now cause its doesnt directly affect me anyways. just hope things will become better after the exams. you have no idea what exam stress can do to people.

ohya, im happy for some people.
for raghu cause he did well for gp
for zhiyuan cause she practically got above 75/80 for for prelims
for many in my class such as hanliang cause he did well despite screwing up
and well, that's abt it for now.

dont know why but i cant seem to blog properly.

fuck

2008-09-22T21:12:00.002+08:00

lets play pretend

lets pretend that everything's ok
lets pretend that all of these dont matter
lets pretend that we are a happy bunch of people
lets pretend that there's always another chance
lets pretend...

sry loh chee huat, karina angelica, vincent goh cheng feng for swearing today and taking off you guys. i really didnt mean it but when expectations fall way short, there's no telling how my mood swings. i'll be ok by tmr, i knw that things are finalised and i cant change them.

lets take it all away

lets take away the hypocritical acts
lets take away the disguised arrogance
lets take away those talks that were uncalled for
lets take away those facade that's hurting everyone
lets take away it all...

its just the beginning of an unwanted week of results
things can only get worse
lets hope you're having it better than i am

post-prelims

2008-09-20T14:19:00.002+08:00

its over for now.
prelims have ended and the results will be disastrous, by my and my class' standards anyways.
things are going the way i expected it to - bad
will update on my results as soon as they release them, so just chill for now.

went out with abt half the class yesterday, mostly girls cause the guys didnt plan so some of us just tagged along with the girls. ate swensens' student's meal (the pepper pasta was horrible! zhilin ate less than 10 mouthfuls) and then we talked for the rest of the night. i know some of you were bored when it came to politics or the education system, lol, but ohwell, i guess we all had a great time.

things are just downright unfair.
singapore functions on meritocracy?
crap, its more of prejudice.

looking down the endless row,
searching left
down the numerous people,
i finally saw you

dang!

2008-09-14T13:41:00.003+08:00

i need my social life back. i have like 5 dinners to attend to after prelims, haha.

exams haven been well. didnt finish a single paper at all last week. leaving close to 20 marks blank for every paper. hope eveyone out there isnt as bad as me yea, jiayou for one more week then... results time then... chiong for As then... A lvls then... time to celebrate! woo!

ok i know thats a very long time but hey, look on the bright side, wait... there's no bright side. ohwell, just do it.

im very concerned with my chem cause i literally didnt study and went in for paper 3. crappy piece of shit. need to study some stuff before going in for paper 2 or i really can just say bye to my C/B already.

jiayou people, we can do this, hopefully.

ohya people! if you didnt receive a msg frm me telling you that i changed my phone number, then you'd better ask me. cant put it up here because of security reasons, but just ask me or those who know me bah. i sms-ed 100+ people, so i dont think i missed out many. =)

i have nothing more to say

raghu

2008-09-09T12:15:00.002+08:00

3 papers down, a dozen more to screw. or should i say the papers screwing me, lol.

anyways, i cant take it anymore. someone keeps talking bad about me. whats worse is that he does it in front of me. i know that's being honest and all, but he doesnt even have the qualifications to do that. when smarter people tell me that they believe that i can do it, there he is saying 'dont worry, i dont believe that you're that smart.'

im ok with him saying that cause i know that its true, but doing it time and again, putting me down over and over again doesnt help boost his morale you know, unless you're a saddist who derives joy and happiness over my sufferings, which i do not and will not show you. just after a paper ystd, someone was telling him how my friend left 20 marks blank, and he just had to say 'you mean this hanliang izzit?' when he was right in front of my table.

insensitive, that's what i call it.

to clarify, i deducted more that 20, ard 25 for my maths paper cause i did not enough time to finish it. questions that i can do slip away just like that, feel so shitty. lesson learnt, set a time and chiong through paper to complete it before time and then check like crazy for remaining time. since careless mistakes will be made no matter done fast or slow. i will get an A for maths, cause that's my only possible A, lol.

not done with studying for physics, chem or even econs, im so dead. shoot me.

sorry for the commotion ystd

army banding

2008-09-06T09:44:00.006+08:00

Following the medical screening at the Medical Classification Centre, you have been graded as PES C1L2

You may be recalled for further MCC review (pending the outcome of medical reports/investigations/specialist review)

Your PES status may be reviewed and you will be informed if there is a change in your PES status.

Should you develop any new medical conditions before enlistment, or should any current medical condition deteriorate before enlistment, please return to Medical Classification Centre with relevant documents and reports and inform us accordingly.

Excuses - 1. Grenades & Explosives 2. Loud Noise Environment 3. Loud Noise Vocation. MO's Recommendations - NIL

Upon enlistment, please bring along this form as proof of any excuses issued.

Thank You.

practically typed the entire letter in here, lol. anyways, when i read it, i really feel nonchalent about this entire army crap. i was like thinking, what the hell is C1L2, and of course i found out, haha.

PES C1 - Required to take IPPT but can be excused up to 2 static stations in IPPT.

L2 - Able to bear firearms and operate in a field environment. They can be deployed in Unit HQ but not for direct combat.

straightaway, i was thinking to be excused from Standing Broad Jump, haha. and oh-how-i-thank-them for not putting me in the front line and deploying me into Unit HQ, whatever that is. thinking of my kor, jonathan pang, and my senior, glendon wee, in OCS and im like, argh what the hell. ohwell, like what my senior joanne said, welcome to reality, haha.

anyways, lemme give you a breakdown on exam schedule.

Monday - GP Paper 1 & 2, Mathematics Paper 1
Wednesday - Physics Paper 3
Thursday a.k.a killer day 1 - Chemistry Paper 3, Economics Paper 2
Friday - Physics Paper 2
Monday - Mathematics Paper 2
Wednesday a.k.a killer day 2 - Chemistry Paper 2, Economics Paper 1
Friday - Physics Paper 1, Chemistry Paper 1

and what's worse is that they're following our A level schedule, which is crazy cause econs and chem are never meant to be together, or even good friends for that matter. putting them together will sprout disaster and chaos, with calamity and epidemic performing the closing ceremony.

ahhh crap, screw prelims.

got-to-go peeps, cya. =)

emoness reigns

2008-08-31T16:54:00.004+08:00

i know im emo, bud that up there isnt me. its one of my (favourite) juniors sherman, current captain of the temasek junior college swim team. he doesnt act like one but we all hope for him to be one. we see potential in him, though kirk would say otherwise, haha. hes just jealous of sherman.

my momentum for studying has been slowing down exponentially, meaning for every unit increase in time, t , my momentum, mv, is decreasing at an alarming rate. dont wanna flunk prelims, but i guess it cant be helped at this rate. studying econs later, macro, cause i finished reading market structure and production and cost 3 days ago, LoL. anyways, just study hard people! regardless its those trying to promote or those having A lvls this year.

wake up, eat, study, eat, study, sleep, wake up, eat, study, etc. bad routine. makes you fat and studying becomes so much less productive after a while.

random thoughts... i realised my hair is getting damn long so i might go and cut it soon, or maybe not, cause im too lazy. i think im damn ugly, hah.

yea i called.

quick post

2008-08-26T12:44:00.005+08:00

alright, im gonna be quick about this post cause i still have 4 other prelim mcq physics papers to complete (thanks to vincent goh cheng feng), along with some maths and chem. econs & gp? i dun know, im gonna die soon.

anyways, it struck me that i treasure my friends a lot. im always out with them whenever im free or when there's no exam (yes, i have NO social life for the next few weeks) to the extent that my friend told me that its time to tone down for exams. my instinctive reply was, i cant live without them, haha. quite retarded right, bud i think that's wad i really feel. so to all my friends out there, jiayou cause jon's always here for u =) (a bit mushy huh, haha)

tawan tawan tawan

i like this picture a lot =)

our most recent CLASS photo

glendon wee, when was the last time i saw u? haha.

this was damn long ago bud it really brings back memories.

i think im being a little emo, bud hey, im the epitome of emo yea? heh.

u'd better do well.

Macs breakfast

2008-08-25T10:32:00.004+08:00

late update, bud o7o7 had a class breakfast outing with a turnout rate of 18/24, not bad rite, haha. enjoy the pictures =)

the girls

vincent looks spastic

huiru, zhilin, angeline
guys stuck in the middle of the road, and im NOT one of them, hah.

look at benson sitting on the railings, how benson! haha

our prezzie to mrs.poon, HANDMADE!

i like this page a lot, its so happy and cheery.

if u count, there's only 17, cause vincent was buying hushbrown for mj, haha.

the girls...

the guys, and im not greedy! boo

more girls

jiawei. haha. made fun of him over li jiawei. booya!

mugging has begun, bud intensive mugging will begin after this!

jiyou ppl!

2008-08-18T00:17:00.002+08:00

dunno wads with this picture either. just feel like how this picture depicts itself i guess.

was out with my swimming seniors today. rachel, shuhan, suechee, daryl tan, chinhock, jiehan, ivan, and the birthday-to-be girl huimin. it was kinda a birthday lunch for huimin and i felt really good today just hanging out with them. esp chinhock, whos damn funny and cute, as always. the girls are alr in uni while the guys are in army, such diff topics, bud i guess i handled them quite ok, lol. anyhow, happy early birthday huimin! meet up again soon! =)

watched the finals of the tabletennis match against china with some o7 peepx. brings some sentimental issues to mind. watched with benson, jason, siewmin, alicia, jinzhi and ouxiang vincent. haha, there are 7 ppl coincidentally, hah! played tabletennis after watching them lose (we're still proud of them nonetheless), had a great time with my amazing class, they rock!

revision has been slow, dun wish to talk abt it, dun wish to face reality.

is it that difficult to face me straight in the face?

randomness

2008-08-03T15:11:00.003+08:00

life has been rather monotonous recently.
studying more or less sums up my life, though i dont think that those studying time i put in was effective nor productive.
i really wanna do well for prelims and more importantly A lvls.
this is really the biggest step that i have to take before entering army i guess.
what if i fall, i dont wanna think of the consequence.
there is always a possibility of falling, i realli hope i dont,
i realli dont want to.

swim results are out. might not be what i expected it to be, maybe better, maybe not. all i can say is that there are many who have comparable capabilities and to filter them out was necessary yet painfully realistic. welcome to the real world, is how i'd put things, though junhong had put it in a more subtle way than i'd prefer. all the best to the year 1s, work tgt and bond tgt. bonding is the most important in team building. the year 2s bonded as u can see, so u guys shld work towards it too. jiayou and i'll be missing u guys =)) i'd already started missing the year 2s alr. argh.

i dont knw why but after the MRI scan my hearing seem to be more sensitive, not in a good way alrite. there was once when we had to do the MOE survey thing and my everyone was laughing at jinzhi i think, and i felt that the noise was so unbearably loud and piercing, lol. hopefully the doc can help me out on the 12th. wish me luck ppl.

i dont knw whether i shld take the step
scared of what might happen as a result
i dont wanna be of a disappointment
nor do i wanna be disappointed
i feel so pressured
so obliged to give in
i dont knw wad to do

checkup

2008-07-25T23:53:00.003+08:00

alrite, this post is emo, so those who are tired of my complains and all, dun continue, its just plain depressing.

nafpa was ok i guess, dropped frm a gold to a silver, bud i guess its ok, i'd learnt to be contented, just that its sad that i missed by 2cm to get a gold for broad jump.

shuttlerun - 9.98s (9.50s) 5pts
sit-ups - 45 reps (45 reps) 5pts
sit-and-reach - 52cm (52cm) 5pts
pull-ups - 11 reps (9reps) 5pts
broad-jump - 230cm (236cm) 2pts
2.4km run/walk - 10:27min (10:27min) 4pts

total - 26 pts (silver)

those in brackets is my performance last year. overall deprovement, bud i guess it might not really matter anyhow.

went for my followup and the doc says that i need to go for some scan to check whether anything is pressing on my nerve and then a followup. either ways, things look bad for my ns life.

if there is, i need to go for operation i guess, to fix it. who knws how things will go frm there?
if there isnt, he will inform the ppl that i cant be exposed to loud gunfires, which translates to me being unfit for combat and throwing me automatically into pes E.

life sucks.

some ppl just have it all.

2008-07-20T10:24:00.002+08:00

some people would rather be certain that they are miserable than risk being happy
i guess this is an apt description of me, as wad jerene said.

anyhow, my grades are out and i got ACCDD, which im quite happy cause i din study and i still manage to scrape these results. though of course this is definitely NOT wad i wanna get for prelims or As.

right now, my mind is just full of fear of not being able to jump 222. so yea, lemme pass napfa first then i'll really really start studying, i hope. otherwise, i'd realli emo like shit and certify that im miserable. yea, i knw i have this serious prob of inferiority complex. live with it.

i seriously have no motivation to study. really.
i realli hope u did well for jcts.

standing broad jump

2008-07-15T18:35:00.003+08:00

sry for not blogging quite regularly ppl, im juz being lazy. will blog bout victory dinner in the near future, i think, haha.

im blogging now cause i realli feel down cause of standing broad jump, argh. my norm is ard 2.25m which is like pathetic, bud todae i jumped below 2.20m. i can put the blame on the fact that i ran 2.4km, played badminton and swam onli butterfly and breaststroke on mon and thus my whole body is aching, bud if i really am good enough, i would be able to manage a 2.30m easily. which is like a dream to me right now.

come to think of it, i seriously wonder how i managed a 2.36m last year. i need to pull off a 2.22m minimum, which i fear i cant manage. i seriously suck at this item and i feel that it shld be abolished. i realli dont wanna go into army early just because of this item when i can get As for the rest of the five items.

now, i just hope my muscles recover soon and i can consistently manage a 2.25m, otherwise, im so dead next week. i dont realli care which comes first - 2.4km run or 5 items, i just wanna get a silver. =(

swim

2008-07-12T23:38:00.002+08:00

introducing the competition pool at Singapore Sports School! which is also gonna be the pool for the youth olympics.
i swam in that pool alrite! haha.
the water is freaking cold when you first plunge into it. like... really cold. brr...

this is the middle of the pool, with spectators on both side, like duh.

swim's over, kinda like life's over i guess. cause there's only gonna be mugging in my life for the next few MONTHS. horrible thought. i miss swimming, or shld i say swimmers. i miss them alr. argh, how retarded can i get, lol.

i hate reality.

swimmers rock

2008-06-29T00:23:00.003+08:00

it was the end of the jcts and the year 2s were training cause we ended earlier than the year 1s.

it felt so good to reminisce the feeling of just year 2s. it was like a world of our own, loved it so much.

dodo, british boy, sabah boy, dodo, hong, nerd, kheng, jon

jerene, jiamin, eileen, tawan

i feel that our batch rocks =)

love u guys a lot

all the noob lane/lane 1/lane 2/lane 3/ lane 4

all the 10 x 100m IM/freestyle/No. 1 Swim

all the 2.15/2.00/1.50

all the starts/turns/finishes

all the kicks/pulls/swims

all the take your marks, go! dang! i false started!

all the foodcourt/pastamania/fish & co.

all the gossips/gossips/gossips, lol

i think we grew close, closer than i thought we ever would

lets all put in the effort to make this friendship last

shall we?

all the best for nationals

though u knw wads crossing my mind. =/

under par

2008-06-25T22:19:00.004+08:00

did badly todae, worse than what i expected myself to do.

instinctively, i just passed it off as a result of my incompetence to study.

it got me thinking.

how many times had i used this excuse?

how many more times can i use this excuse?

exasperation sets in

there's one last paper tmr

dun think i'll do well

bud i guess i'll pull through.

everything matters.